My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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