I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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