you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
