When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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