I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
