I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
