oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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