you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
