Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
