when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
