Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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