It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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