think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
