I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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