I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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