Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
