I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
