you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have post one night stand depression
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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