"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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