We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You took a bar mat shot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
