how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
