we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
