wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
