I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
