yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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