drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
