I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
