I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
