maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
