I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
