you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
