I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
