Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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