I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
