the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I intend to get homeless drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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