Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You have to summon your inner elephant
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
