Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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