I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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