just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
