Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
