I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
