just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
