I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
