Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
