I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
