The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
