did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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