I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
