i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
