I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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