just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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