just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
