I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
