oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
