I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
