Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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