If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
