I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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