Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
