when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
