Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I didn't notice because vodka
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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