i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
