You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
