She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
