you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Randomize
