I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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